ADHD + Rejection Sensitive dysphoria

what is RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)

RSD is an intense emotional reaction to feeling rejected, criticised, or misunderstood — even in small or unintentional situations. For people with ADHD, it can feel like sudden emotional pain, shame, or panic when someone questions them, disapproves, or seems disappointed. It’s not being “too sensitive”; it’s a nervous system response that reacts much stronger and faster than the average person’s.

Have you ever met someone who didn’t do anything “wrong”… but being around them drains you?

I had three people in my life like this:

1️⃣ – The friend who kept examining me:

He asked constant questions about why I’m the way I am, why my brain works differently, why I react the way I do.
At first it felt caring — then it became exhausting.
I felt like I was defending myself constantly, explaining the same things again and again.
He sees the positive in everyone and believes everything can be fixed.
But I was tired. Too tired to be analysed.

2️⃣ The friend who wanted to be the “teacher”

He never accepted suggestions, but he loved telling others how they should live.
He could never use examples from his own life.
He was addicted to energy drinks, overstimulated, and struggled with AuDHD himself.
Talking to him felt like walking on eggshells.

3️⃣ The person who talks constantly but avoids his own work

He keeps talking, starting things, but never does the important tasks. He wants to be involved in every conversation and he distracts everyone.
Working alongside him drains me because I feel like I am working so hard everyday and all I see on him is that he does nothing.
It triggers me badly.

And here’s the important part:
I don’t blame them.
They all carry their own trauma, struggles, and challenges — things I may never fully understand.

But the question is:

So why does it trigger me so deeply?

Let’s break it down.

The real reason we’re triggered

It’s not about THEM! It’s about what THEIR behaviour touches inside US.

1. Being questioned feels like being judged

If you grew up misunderstood, criticised, or “too much,” then anyone analysing you now brings back old wounds.

Your brain has learned:
“Being questioned = danger.”

So even curiosity can feel like judgement.

2. Being around avoidant or chaotic people feels unsafe

People who talk but don’t act…
People who avoid responsibility…
People who drain your energy…

Trigger memories of:
✓ being let down
✓ being the only responsible one
✓ carrying emotional or mental weight alone
✓ childhood chaos
✓ unreliable adults

Your nervous system recognises the pattern before your mind does.

3. People who “teach” you activate old shame

If you had someone in the past who:

told you what to do
talked down to you
made you feel small
belittled your decisions

…then anyone who behaves similarly becomes a trigger.

4. ADHD + trauma makes everything louder

Your emotional system is more sensitive.
Your brain scans for danger quickly.
Your memories are intense.
Your self-blame is bigger.
Your rejection sensitivity is stronger.

So what others can ignore… you feel fully.

Why the ADHD Brain Takes This Harder

A simple question can feel like: “You’re wrong. You’re disappointing me.”

You relive emotions stronger and longer than neurotypicals.

You learned early to please people to avoid conflict.

Explaining yourself over and over drains your mental battery.

You feel responsible for everyone’s feelings, even when you shouldn’t. It’s not weakness. It’s neurobiology.

So… How Do We Break the Cycle?

Say to yourself:
“This is a past wound being activated.”

Childhood?
A past relationship?
A teacher?
A parent?
Someone who ignored your needs?

This creates self-awareness.

You can say:
“I’m not in the mental space to explain this again.”
or
“I need to step back, I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

Do they ever ask how YOU feel?
Do they respect your limits?
Do they adjust when you are overwhelmed?

Friendships need mutual care, not emotional extraction.

Some people are just not your people.
And that’s okay.

When to Stay and When to Leave

⭐ Stay when:

they respect your boundaries
they listen when you say “I’m overwhelmed”
they try to understand your ADHD
they adjust their behaviour

⭐ Leave when:

you feel examined, not accepted
they drain your energy
your mental health declines
conversations feel like battles
you dread seeing them

Nothing is wrong with you.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re not overreacting.
Your body is protecting you from repeating old pain.
Understanding your triggers helps you build better friendships — ones where you feel safe, heard, and accepted as you are.