How to Change Your Mindset
A guide for people with ADHD who are tired of being told to “just think positive.”
The mindset that's quietly running your life
Most people I work with don’t realise they have a mindset problem. They think they have:
- a time problem.
- a focus problem.
- a motivation problem.
But underneath all of those, there’s a much older voice. A voice that’s been speaking since long before you knew you had ADHD.
It sounds like:
“I should be further along by now.”
“Everyone else has it figured out.”
“If I just tried harder, I wouldn’t be like this.”
“I’m too much. I’m too sensitive. I’m too scattered.”
That voice isn’t the truth. It’s a habit. It’s the mindset you built to survive in a world that didn’t understand how your brain works and for years, it kept you safe. It pushed you to mask, to overdeliver, to apologise before anyone could criticise you. But here’s what nobody tells you:
The mindset that helped you survive is the same mindset that’s now keeping you stuck.
You can’t build the life you want on a foundation of I’m not enough. You can’t grow your business, your relationships, or your peace from a place where every quiet moment turns into a self-attack. This is where change has to start. Not with a planner. Not with a productivity hack. With the voice in your head, and a willingness to look at it honestly.
Are you actually willing to change?
This is the part most people skip and it’s the part that decides whether anything I teach you will ever actually work. Wanting change isn’t the same as being willing to change. Wanting change is the 10pm scroll, looking at coaches and courses and thinking one day I’ll do this.
Willingness is different. Willingness is harder. Willingness sounds like:
- I’m willing to look at the parts of myself I usually avoid.
- I’m willing to feel uncomfortable while I learn something new.
- I’m willing to stop blaming everyone else for how I feel, even when it would be easier to.
- I’m willing to be a beginner again, in my own life.
A lot of people come to coaching wanting a quick fix. They want the symptom gone — the overwhelm, the procrastination, the burnout — without changing the mindset that creates them, but mindset change isn’t a tip you can apply on a Monday morning. It’s a slow, deliberate rewiring of how you talk to yourself when no one’s watching. It asks you to do things that feel unnatural at first:
- To pause when you usually react.
- To stay present when you usually escape into your phone.
- To let go of the version of yourself that you’ve been dragging behind you for years — the one who failed that exam, missed that deadline, disappointed that person.
That person is not who you are now. But you’ve been carrying them like a second body. Willingness is what lets you finally put them down. If you’ve read this far and something in you is saying yes, I’m tired enough to actually do this — that’s the willingness. That’s the only ingredient I can’t give you. Everything else, I can teach.
How to actually change your mindset
Once you’re willing, the how is simpler than you think. Not easy — but simple. Here’s the work, in the order I teach it:
Build self-awareness first.
Before you change anything, you have to see it. Most ADHD people live inside their thoughts, not next to them. There's no gap between the thought and the reaction. The thought arrives, the body responds, and another day disappears. The first skill is learning to step outside yourself and watch — like you're standing in the room observing the person at the desk. Not judging them. Just noticing. They are overwhelmed right now. They are reacting from old shame, not the actual situation. They are making this mean something it doesn't mean. This isn't dissociation. It's the opposite. It's the first time you've actually been present with yourself. Self-awareness is where every real change begins. Not therapy-speak. Not a buzzword. The actual ground floor of becoming someone different.
Notice the patterns, not just the moments.
Once you can watch yourself, you start to see patterns. The same trigger that always lights you up. The same thought that comes after the same kind of email. The same body sensation — the tight chest, the lightheadedness, the nausea — that shows up before you spiral. These patterns aren't random. They're a map. And once you can see the map, you stop being surprised by your own reactions. You start to expect them. Which means, for the first time, you can choose something different.
Learn to let go of the past.
You cannot build a future while you're still arguing with yesterday. Every person I coach carries a story. A version of events that proves they're "the one who can't keep up." A list of evidence they're been collecting since they were a child. Letting go doesn't mean pretending it didn't happen. It means stopping the rehearsal. It means saying: that was real, and it shaped me, and I am no longer going to use it as the reason I can't move. This part takes time. Don't rush it. But know that it's possible — and that until you do this, every new goal you set will be running uphill.
Live in the present, on purpose.
The ADHD brain is rarely here. It's in tomorrow's worry or yesterday's regret. Presence is a skill. Like any skill, it gets stronger with practice. Five minutes of intentional presence a day — really feeling your feet on the floor, really tasting your coffee, really hearing the person in front of you — rewires more than you think. This is where mindset change becomes real. Not in theory. In the quiet, ordinary moments of your actual life.
Choose your new thought, again and again.
The old voice doesn't disappear. I won't lie to you. What changes is how often you believe it. Every time you hear I'm not enough and gently answer that's an old thought, and it's not true — you weaken the old wiring and strengthen the new. Mindset change isn't one big breakthrough. It's a thousand small moments where you chose differently than you used to. That's the work. That's all of it.
If you’ve read this whole article, something in you already knows it’s time. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need to be ready in some perfect way. You just need to be willing. If you are — that’s where I come in.
From negative to positive
On progress and comparison
Negative: “I feel behind constantly, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t catch up.”
Positive: “I’m on my own timeline. Progress isn’t a race, and every step I take is moving me forward.”
Negative: “Everyone else seems to have it figured out except me.”
Positive: “I’m on my own timeline. Progress isn’t a race, and every step I take is moving me forward.”
On failure and mistakes
Negative: “I failed, so clearly I’m not cut out for this.”
Positive: “This didn’t work, but now I know more than I did before. Every attempt is data I can use.”
Negative: “I always mess things up.”
Positive: “I made a mistake, and mistakes are how I learn. One outcome doesn’t define me.”
On capability and self-worth
Negative: “I’m not smart/talented/disciplined enough to do this.”
Positive: “I haven’t learned this yet, but I’m capable of growing. Skills are built, not born.”
Negative: “Who am I to even try this?”
Positive: “Why not me? I deserve to take up space and pursue what matters to me.”
On the future
Negative: “Nothing is ever going to change. This is just how my life is.”
Positive: “Small changes compound. What I do today is quietly shaping who I’ll be a year from now.”
Negative: “I don’t have time, money, or energy to make this happen.”
Positive: “I have more than I think. I’ll start with what I have, where I am, right now.”
On other people
Negative: “People are going to judge me if I try and fail.”
Positive: “Most people are too focused on themselves to notice. And the ones who matter will cheer me on.”
Negative: “I can’t ask for help, that’s a weakness.”
Positive: “Asking for help is a strength. No one builds anything meaningful entirely alone.”
On the present moment
Negative: “I’ll be happy when I finally get there.”
Positive: “There’s something good in today, even if it’s small. I don’t have to wait to enjoy my life.”
Negative: “I should be further along by now.”
Positive: “I’m exactly where I need to be to learn what’s next. ‘Should’ is just guilt in disguise.”