The what-if loop
Do you replay moments in your mind?
what-ifs are emotional leftovers – not warnings
Why what-ifs hurt?
- Your Present Self Is Judging Your Past Self
- You are comparing two different versions of yourself
- You, NOW have knowledge you didn’t have THEN
- It’s unfair to expect your past self to know better
The Brain Science Behind What-Ifs
Seeking protection
Wanting closure
Fearing the consequences
Trying to rewrite the moment
Wanting safety, validation or forgiveness
You don’t need to fix the past – you need to comfort the part of you that lived it and chose again
How to Find Comfort When the Thought Keeps Coming
“This is a what-if — not a fact.”
Emotional intensity reduces when you name it.
“You did your best with what you knew.”
You were doing your best in that moment.
“Did I make this choice with good intentions?”
If yes, release the guilt.
“What can I learn from this?”
Shift the emotion to growth.
“It’s okay that I didn’t get it perfect.”
Self-compassion breaks the loop.
You can’t change the past, but you can change the meaning attached to it.
The what-if isn’t your enemy — it’s your teacher.