Why Words Hurt More Than They Should
Have you ever been called lazy, even though you’re trying harder than anyone realises?
Or maybe someone said you’re too loud, too sensitive, too slow, too much, or not enough…
And even if they didn’t mean to hurt you —
their words felt like being punched in the chest.
Do you know that feeling?
The feeling where you’re doing your best to grow…
but one small criticism crushes you inside?
If you’ve ever wondered “Why does this hurt so much?”
There is a reason.
And it’s deeper than the words themselves.
Let’s talk about it.
"We Don’t See People as THEY Are — We See Them as WE Are"
This idea explains everything.
Our minds act like filters.
We don’t respond to what actually happens —
we respond to what it means to us, based on:
✅ our past
✅ our beliefs
✅ our insecurities
✅ our fears
✅ our emotional wounds
When someone tells you something hurtful, you’re not hearing just the words —
you’re hearing every time in your life you felt misunderstood, judged, dismissed or not enough.
Two people can hear the exact same sentence, but one shrugs it off… and the other breaks inside.
Why?
Because we interpret the world through our own lens — not reality.
What Shapes Your Lens
1. Your Past Experiences
If your whole life you’ve been told:
- “Try harder.”
- “Pay attention.”
- “Stop being dramatic.”
- “Why can’t you be more like them?”
…then even a harmless comment can feel like an attack.
2. Your Emotions and Projections
Sometimes we see in others what we fear in ourselves.
If you secretly worry you’re lazy…
being called lazy hurts double.
If you fear being rejected…
a simple “I can’t talk right now” can feel like abandonment.
3. Your Insecurities
We react strongly when someone touches a part of ourselves we don’t feel good about.
That’s why comments about your body, your personality, your abilities, or your intelligence cut so deep.
4. Your Protective Brain
Your brain is built to protect you.
If it senses danger — even emotional danger — it reacts instantly.
Sometimes too strongly.
Examples of Triggers (Why It Hurts So Much):
The words are theirs.
The pain is from your lens.
Why This Hits ADHD Minds Harder
If you have ADHD, this concept is 10× more intense.
✅ 1. Emotional intensity (RSD)
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes even tiny criticism feel like deep emotional pain.
✅ 2. Strong emotional memory
Your brain remembers past shame like it’s happening in the present.
✅ 3. Fast reaction, slow recovery
You feel everything instantly.
And it takes longer to calm down.
✅ 4. Years of being misunderstood
ADHD people grow up hearing:
“Pay attention.”
“Stop fidgeting.”
“Try harder.”
“You’re so forgetful.”
“You’re too much.”
Those comments build the lens through which you see yourself forever — unless you learn to clean it.
✅ 5. Masking and perfectionism
ADHDers spend years trying to blend in.
So when someone criticises them, it hits exactly the place they’ve been trying to fix.
So… How Do You Change This?
Notice the feeling.
“I feel hurt. Why?”
Ask yourself:
“Is this about this moment, or about my past?”
Separate the person from your lens.
Their comment is about them.
Your reaction is about you.
Ask what part of you got triggered.
Is it the part that felt unseen as a child?
The part that feels not good enough?
The part that’s scared of failure
Rewrite the lens.
Instead of “I’m lazy,” try “I’m doing my best with the brain I have.”
Instead of “I’m too much,” try “I’m expressive and full of life.”
Instead of “I’m not enough,” try “I’m growing. And I don’t have to be perfect.”
When you change the way you see yourself, you change the way you see everything.
You don’t need the world to be kinder — you need your lens to be kinder.
Because the people who once broke you have no power over you… when you finally see yourself clearly.